This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
