Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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