Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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