Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
