I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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