Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
