I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
