i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
