im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
