im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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