I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
