would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What a dumb baby whore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
