There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
