Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
