So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
