A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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