Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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