I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
