If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My life is pants optional.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
