I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
