Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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