p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
