I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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