She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
