in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
