Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
