I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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