Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
