u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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