yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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