Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
