I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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