Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
