my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
