you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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