if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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