he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
