i barfeds in our rink
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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