the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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