Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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