With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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