i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
