highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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