I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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