The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
