I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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