I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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