Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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