i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
