Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
