apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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