so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
only if we run a train.
done.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
