It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
